BY JENNY B
Have you ever watched a child pretending to drive? I remember my friend Lindsay joking as we began our high school driver’s ed course that one of her earliest memories was her dad’s terror at her first driving experience. She was only a few years old when he let her sit on his lap and ‘help’ pull the car from the back to the front of the driveway while they were waiting for the rest of the family. Her first instinct at how to drive a car was to wildly swing the steering wheel, sharp left to sharp right. Even inching along at the rate of 0-5 miles per hour, she remembers her dad’s instant panic as the wheels of the car swung sharply toward the brick of their house and then the neighbors’, and bringing that idea for ‘a game’ quickly to an end. Yes, her family had a good laugh and reminded her of the last time she was ‘allowed to drive’, as we begin as 15-year-olds to really learn and take responsibility for operating a 1-ton machine on the open road.
I’ve watched my daughter play in plastic, toddler-sized toy cars. Her instincts are the same, to wildly maneuver the steering wheel, even when she can see that it sharply changes the direction she is moving in. Try the experiment sitting while waiting in a parked, real car, and she will add in pushing every button and turning every knob on the dashboard. This is her idea of driving and being in control.
While I support using every tool you have in your experience, she and I have different ideas about what it means to operate in control. Many adults with the benefit of a longer timeline of life experience and physical maturity of the brain will be smiling by now. Because we know that being a good driver does equate to applying your energy and attention to pushing buttons and turning the wheel just because you can.
You see where I am going with this, right? As an adult in the broader context of life, this has caused me to reflect on being in control of not just my car, but my health, my life:
The last one, which turns the context to the more external, social, and goal-oriented is the adult perspective. My child’s experience is all about the joy of getting to play with the car. She is just playing and not trying to get anywhere or be ‘on time.’ How we operate in relation to others gets a lot of attention. Still, I would encourage you to not pass so quickly over the first 2 questions, and look inward for yourself.
In driver’s ed, they taught us the ‘Rules of the Road’: How to Operate a Car Safely in Public. If you stop at that threshold in other areas of your life, it’s like taking pride in saying, “I am confident that I know how to chew and swallow my food when I go out to a nice meal at a restaurant, so I do not choke and need to be given the Heimlich maneuver.” Better to ask: Are you eating food you enjoy? Is it nourishing your body, relationships, and future? Those are the type of nuanced, next-level questions that can make the difference beyond just getting by at a basic level.
We have been asking a lot of these questions in my household, lately, in an attempt to better ourselves and question some of the patterns we have adopted, especially as work and family life got busier in our 30s. Even in times of crisis, it’s bringing some joy back to our days to implement small changes like new and healthier foods, instead of the same go-to, easy dinner. Or, video calling with some of the extended family/friends circle, when, perhaps, we’ve been leaning heavily on our inner, obvious circle, for months, now.
In reflecting on Father’s Day 2020 this past weekend, nothing is perfect. But, we are a little healthier and happier for opening ourselves up to our higher minds and aspirations.
Special shout out to my husband who is a great dad and pictured in the photo with our daughter. He said the most swoon-worthy thing the morning I was writing this, which felt ‘out of nowhere’. But, as we know, so many experiences that come ‘out of nowhere’ have a long history of being shaped. He said, “I don’t know why we have a Father’s Day and a Mother’s Day. I believe in equality, and it’s not like we are providing uniquely different things for our daughter. It should just be Parents’ Day.”
Swoon. And, that was the first time I was truly grateful for all the hard work and conversations we’ve had to have put in this year. It feels like we are finally getting beyond the basics and starting to enjoy driving.
BY DIANE KERTH
“Walking Squared” is a path to the life we want to be living.
The other day I went for a long walk outside. It was late in the day which was a mistake because it was hot! Very Hot! Sweaty hot! Where all you may think about is being hot. For a long time now, I have used my walks as a time to focus, recharge and get in tune with myself. Sometimes I listen to music and other times just listen to the sounds around me such as birds, the wind, or trees rustling. Walking is so much more than just burning calories. On this particular walk, my head was saying things like, “Gosh I’m out of shape. I’m so mad at myself. I shouldn’t have been eating so much. This is what I get for being lazy lately.“ It was all kinds of negative, beat myself up, words. Fortunately, I caught myself and thought, this is not helping me push through this hard walk. I know better than to get caught in a pattern of negative thinking. I need to find positive things to say to myself. I need to start thinking strong, uplifting, empowering words. I know it will make me feel better, so I need to change it! I kept walking, putting one foot in front of the other, step after step, till struggling with the heat but NOW thinking. “I am strong. I am kind. I am out here walking instead of sitting on the couch eating. I am moving instead of watching TV. I am getting healthier. I can do this. ” I started to feel better, repeating over and over positive words. I was getting more energized with each positive thought and the walk became more tolerable. The words I was FEEDING myself made a huge difference on completing the walk. I made it home with a smile on my face and proud of how I was now feeling.
Feeding myself positive information is important to living my life, Walking Squared. It’s a term I live by, which reminds me of what I want in life and that it takes effort, intention and focus. You see, there is a blue square I drew with a pen, on a piece of white paper, hanging in my house. People ask me about it ALL the time. “Why is that paper, with the blue square on it, taped to your kitchen cabinet?” It’s because it reminds me that I DO know what I want. It’s a reminder to refocus, keep my goals, dreams and desired life in clear focus. I’m definitely not in control of all things in life but I do have control over some areas of my life. I control what I can control, and I let the rest go. The life I want is IN that square. How I feel about myself goes IN that square and so everything IN that square will be all things good! 😊 I am constantly on a quest to move forward in my life, step-by-step, towards all of the things that are in that blue square posted on my kitchen cabinet. It’s what I call Walking Squared, Moving Forward with Focus. The blue square on my kitchen cabinet is a clean blue square. Once you’ve done the work and know what you want in it, the blank square acts as an awesome reminder.
The first thing to living this way is to figure out what we want our lives to be about? Who do we want to be? What’s important to us?
Draw a square on a piece of paper. What words would you put in it? Happy, Encouraging, Loving, Healthy, Confident, are some of MY words. Then after it’s filled in with as many as you want, draw another square on a different page with how would you describe your life now? If the squares match with similar words, then excellent! But if you find yourself writing down words such as tired, stressed, worried, angry, drinking too much, eating too much, embarrassed of who I am, then there are definitely areas to improve upon, assuming that is NOT the life you want to be living.
How we communicate makes a huge impact on who we are and the life we lead.
I believe that we treat ourselves based on what we say to ourselves. Grab hold of the power we have available to each of us by saying positive empowering words to ourselves, as well as the positive things we can say to others. Words can lift people up or tear people down. Words are our thoughts; our thoughts drive our emotions. Our emotions drive our choices. All of this drives how our life unfolds. If we want what’s in our desired squares, we need to start speaking words that will guide us to our desired result. I strive to be Walking Squared every day. What’s in your square?
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