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HERE ARE THE 30 BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

10/8/2019

Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash

I grew up borderline Amish.

I’m not talking the white puffy hats, buggies, and handcrafted furniture. I mean, I grew up not watching TV. It’s not that we didn’t have a TV in the house (we did), it’s that we spent our time elsewhere — reading. The highlight of the week was my mom taking my sister and I to the library where we would pick out our weekly book selection. I would peruse the shelves with the methodicity of a lawyer in search of loopholes. What care I’d take to pick out my selection and bring the towering stack to the circulation desk! Secretly hoping, of course, that the clerk wouldn’t notice I had one book over the takeout limit. Grand Theft Novel. My rebel streak runs deep.

I thank my lucky stars daily that I was raised this way — to value the world of imagination, curiosity, and reading, over more shallow pursuits. Much has changed in my life in the last two decades: I became an English Lit major, an Educator, an IT Trainer, an Engagement Manager, and now — an Operations Manager by day and an avid writer by night/lunch breaks. Oh, and I started watching TV ;) But this much has remained: I am a reader to my core. I’ve studied literature, I’ve taught it, and most importantly, I live it.

I’ve read 1,000+ books in these first three decades of my life. While I’m allergic to grand sweeping statements, at the risk of dissembling, I need to let the title of this article stand: these books did change my life. Some came crashing down with all the grace of a drunken dock worker intent on up-heaving the status quo. Quick change, rapid results, lots of collateral damage. Others came on more gradually, like a silent invasion. So-so when reading them, but for months after, the truths therein continuing to bloom and amaze as I implemented them in my day-to-day-life.

Regardless of if they fluttered or steamrolled in, the lessons gleaned from these 30 books are here to stay. In my blood, in my brain, in my actions. I am the product of their tutelage, and Teach, I gotta say, thanks.

I present to you: The 30 books that changed my life.
(in no particular order, broken up by genre)

Personal Development

Creativity Inc. This book is part biography, part script on how to run a creative organization. Ed Catmull — founder of Pixar — chronicles what it took to get Pixar off the ground, and what it takes to maintain a creative empire. My biggest takeaway from this book: embrace failure. Fail early and often. Failure isn’t to be avoided — it is the inevitable result of doing something new. If we are scared to fail, we will never do anything worthwhile. This book killed my fear aversion and helped me take real, daily risks that have benefited my life 1000x fold.
So Good They Can’t Ignore You. Cal Newport is a genius. All of his books are impactful, but this one really hit home. It explains why the “follow your passion” mindset is wrong, even dangerous. Instead it purports that we should focus on getting really good at whatever we’re currently doing. Confidence comes from competence, and we’ll end up loving something when we’re good at it. When we become so good that people can’t ignore us, we’re availed more benefits with which we can leverage to our advantage. Grow where you’re planted. 🌱
Start With Why. I almost didn’t include this one, because its on everyone’s “best of” list, but then I realized that would be stupid and unfair. It’s on everyone’s list for a reason. So often we focus on what needs to get done, and engage others on this level. Simon Sinek explains how starting with *why* instead of what or how can take you to the next level in your business, your relationships, and your personal development. It’s also a brilliant examination of how successful brands become successful.
Daring Greatly. Who doesn’t need to read this book? Well, no one. Brené Brown presents a compelling case for embracing vulnerability and does a deep dive on how shame works. She explains that vulnerability is having the courage to express my needs when I cannot control the outcome. This book challenged me to examine myself at a core level — am I getting what I want? Am I asking for it? How do I respond when someone can’t give me what I want? More than anything, I’ve learned that it’s far better to go after what I want — and get bloodied in the arena — than be a spectator.
The Four Agreements. This short, powerhouse of a book by Don Miguel Ruiz puts forth an actionable blueprint on how to live a peaceful life. 1) Be impeccable with your word. 2) Don’t take anything personally. 3) Don’t make assumptions. 4) Always do your best. After reading this book, I have achieved such mental and emotional clarity and it deeply improved the way I engage others.
The Obstacle Is The Way. Oftentimes we see obstacles as roadblocks in our paths, as things that take us away from our destination. What if the obstacle wasn’t a nuisance or a distraction, but rather, the way forward? The modern-day stoic Ryan Holiday instructs readers on how to embrace obstacles as their path.
The Art of Grace. Most people think beauty is the pinnacle of the human experience. Sarah Kaufman disagrees. It is grace, instead, that we should be striving for. And, as she puts it, “practice makes graceful.” In this book, Kaufman walks through how to carry oneself with grace. The first few chapters are a brilliant case study into Cary Grant — one of the most graceful actors in Hollywood history. The basic tenet of the book: grace is beauty + freedom.
12 Rules for Life. In any healthy society, there is a balance between rights and responsibilities. Intellectual stallion Jordan Peterson warns we’re swinging too far towards the rights side of the pendulum and neglecting personal responsibility. In his NYT best seller, Peterson highlights the twelve rules to take responsibility for your life. Because, as he admonishes, you need to fix up your own life before criticizing the world. Implementing Peterson’s strategies will deepen your self-respect, your self-awareness, and your overall attractiveness to other people.

Human Dynamics

Sesame and Lilies — the first relationship coaching book before there were relationship coaches. John Ruskin unpacks feminine and masculine energy, and what both men and women uniquely bring to partnerships. Originally delivered as two lectures at Oxford in 1817 (Of King’s Treasuries and Of Queen’s Gardens), it was, happily for us, transcribed and compiled for posterity. I first read this book in university, and have re-read it every year since. It’s timeless, and is my true north when it comes to what a healthy relationship looks like.
The Body Keeps The Score — this psychological goldmine by Bessel van der Kolk unpacks how our body holds on to trauma, how it impacts our day-to-day life, and yes, how to break free from said trauma and start afresh. Shocking, sad, eye-opening: it is an airtight and compelling case on how child abuse and neglect are the biggest crisis in the Western world.
Gifts Differing — coauthored by Isabel Briggs Myers and Peter B. Myers — this is the book that prescribed the template for the 16 Personalities, more commonly known as the Myers Briggs Test. Their findings have strong roots in Carl Jung psychology, and have since launched the ever-popular, ever-expanding personality test genre. The first 20 years of my life I felt like a misunderstood misfit. After reading this book and discovering my type (INFJ), I’ve experienced so much freedom. Freedom in understanding both myself and others on such a deep level. Isabel and Peter, who gave you permission to know me so well? But also, thanks :)
The First 90 Days. We all switch jobs at some point or another. This book by Michael D. Watkins taught me how to acclimate to a new position, uncover my blindspots, and navigate the new cultural and political landscape like a pro. Whether you are moving to a new position in the same company, a similar position at a new company, or changing industries altogether, this book will poise you for success.
How To Win Friends And Influence People. How do you instantly build rapport with people? Dale Carnegie answers this core question, and many others, in this groundbreaking book on human dynamics. Reading this book will change the way you approach any interaction and will give you the keys to successfully relating to even the most prickliest of people.
Quiet — The Power of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking. Sometimes you read a book and think: it’s so painfully obvious why has no one said this before? Quiet is one such book. Susan Cain relays how the Industrial Revolution led to the rise, and subsequent prioritization of the extrovert, and how, if we’re not careful, we’ll miss out on all introverts have to offer. Her main assertion: there is no correlation between the loudest talker and the best ideas. She challenges open office spaces, collaboration idolization, and group-think mentality, all while making a airtight case for autonomous thought and alone-time as the engines for creativity.
Never Get Angry Again. This is not your typical, trite ‘anger management’ course. David Lieberman adeptly and brilliantly walks through the root of anger (hint: it’s not you, it’s me) and how to get rid of it once and for all. Whether you’re aggressive, passive aggressive, or a bottle-it-up-inside type, this book will heal you at the core so that you, as the title promises, never get angry again.

Fiction

Pride and Prejudice. I don’t think I could call myself a romantic without listing this book. Elizabeth Bennett — spicy, sharp, particular. Mr. Darcy — cultured, entitled, blunt. Their two personal worlds collide in a wit fest whose sexual tension could be cut with a knife. There’s a reason this is Jane Austen’s most popular novel. It the strongest thesis for why speaking your mind gets you the best the world has to offer.
Evelina. This novel was published anonymously from a manuscript written in disguised handwriting. Why? It was 1778 and the author was Frances Burney — a woman. One of the most popular epistolary novels of our time, Evelina follows the life of a naive, country-raised woman and her entrance into ‘polite’ London society. Reading this story in the 21st century, we have to navigate the foreign rules, traditions, and power dynamics just like Evelina. Also, Lord Orville is a fox and taught me everything I need to know about how an upstanding man should pursue a woman with whom he is interested.
Moll Flanders. Pickpocketing turned sexy. This novel by Daniel Defoe follows the life of serial deceiver Moll through her various pursuits and life choices. It shows how crime is not born purely out of necessity or out of wanton desire, but rather, a blurred commingling of both. I’m a stickler for law and order, but this novel tempts me to throw caution to the wind and pick a pocket or two 😉
Crime and Punishment. Yes, all the names are similar. Yes, you will get used to it. A young man plans and enacts the perfect crime: a murder of a deplorable pawnbroker, a scourge on society. Is it justified? Can a person live with themselves after completing such an act? Dostoevsky explores the topics of guilt, moral law, and redemption in this provocative page turner that has since inspired me to name my first dog Razumihin.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. Something is certainly rotten in the state of Denmark, and it is not this compilation. Shakespeare is the stuff of legend — the ability to turn a phrase, to communicate raw human emotion in compelling ways, to both educate and entertain. This compilation has it all — the histories, the comedies, and the tragedies. It also includes a forward by David Bevington, the foremost Shakespeare expert.
Wuthering Heights. The story of savage, young Heathcliff and his tormented love affair with Catherine Earnshow, the daughter of his benefactor. Emily Brontë explores the magnetism of misery and it’s bizarre correlation to passion in a way that will leave you wanting to frolic in a moor in search of true love. Oh Heathcliff.
Vilette — Emily’s sister, Charlotte Brontë, also makes the list in her lesser known, but superbly superior Villette. It follows the life of average, plain Lucy Snow as she teaches in a remote school. While she gets looked over repeatedly by employers, by suitors, by the world really, Lucy feels things so deeply as to make beauty in her struggles. She must assert to right to love and be loved. Her humanity is so accessible, and so frighteningly like us that I often winced when reading. Its hard not to cheer vehemently for Lucy’s happily-ever-after, as there are very few more deserving.
Dead Souls — How much is a dead soul worth? If someone showed up on your doorstep selling one, would you purchase it? With eerie echoes to The Odyssey, this story follows Chichikov as he visits the estates of landowners and sells dead souls. I am obsessed with Russian Lit, and this is the finest. Flawlessly executed absurdity. Mostly known for his short stories, Nikolai Gogol knocks it out of the metaphorical park with this, his only published novel.

Philosophy & Non-Fiction

The Fountainhead — Ayn Rand unpacks her theory of individualism in this page turner about Howard Roark, a fiercely independent architect who will bow to no man but himself. She questions concepts like the common good and the overall purpose of society. After finishing this book, you’ll either love her or hate her. You will not, however, be able to dismiss her. This book engaged my mind in a way that few university level courses have. And being a University of Chicago grad, that’s saying something. ;)
The Social Contract — The foil to Rand’s individualism. Rousseau paints a vivid picture of the state of nature and how man came to form the first society. He’s been later dubbed the father of collectivism, and the Social Contract its deemed the originating document. When I taught, I had a philosophy unit where my students would read Rand and Rousseau side by side. It prompted incredible discussion about what we pursue as individuals and as a society, and what is more important.
Wealth of Nations — If all of civilization burned down and we had to rebuild again with only one book from our previous society, I would probably pick this one. First published in 1776, Adam Smith gives us a blueprint for how to build wealth as he explores concepts like free markets, productivity, and division of labor. Bring your highlighter, sticky notes, and a love for deep discussion on the *Invisible Hand.*
The Phantom Tollbooth —A childlike lens to complex problems. Milo is a bored child who suddenly finds a tollbooth appear in his bedroom that transports him to the Kingdom of Wisdom. It was once a burgeoning nation, but now is in trouble. He travels to different parts of the kingdom and helps them solve their problems, growing as an individual along the way. This is billed as a children’s fantasy book. Don’t believe it — it’s as much for adults as it is for children. This goldmine of a book by Norton Jester stresses the critical importance of learning, curiosity, common sense, and fortitude in a way that is accessible and fun. I reread this book every year and it has never failed to challenge me at critical life junctures.
The Meditations. What it lacks in pages, this books makes up for in meaningful content. The Meditations is a series of personal writings by Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor from 161 to 180 AD. In it, Aurelius places an ax to the tree of people pleasing and touts the value of leading clean, simple lives. All things vanish. Seize every day and make it yours. Embrace reason. Accept all things that come your way — the good and the bad. Stand ground on your principals and your enemies will come to love you. I could go on and on, but really, you should just read it ;)
The Bible — Whether or not you’re “religious” is irrelevant. This has been the best selling book throughout human history. In fact, it has been omitted from all best seller lists because it would be #1 Every. Single. Week. The Bible is a rigorous case study on human nature, a tome on human dynamics, but more than anything, a love story on how a Creator loves his people. Virtually every book in Western Literature references the Bible, so if you don’t read it, you’ll read other books confused for the rest of your life. I’ve read it cover to cover multiple times and have found it compelling, scandalous, unapologetic, and convicting. I leave each interaction both challenged and changed.
A History of the English Language — England is one of the most conquered territories in all of human history. Every subsequent conquest left its imprint, and the glaring clues can be found within the language. Ever wonder why English is so hard to learn? We have Germanic sentence structure, Latin & French words, Norse pronouns, and Celtic directional verbiage. This fascinating book by Baugh and Cable tells the history of England and how it specifically impacted the language. It’s main thesis? The language we learn is that of the victor. Hence, we learn their version of the story. Language is power.

So there you have it. The 30 books that changed my life.

Not that you asked, but the selection and elimination process behind creating this list was quite brutal. So many hurt book feelings on my shelf right now. I have to go make nice. But before I depart, I must know: Which books changed your life? Asking for myse… errr… a friend 😉

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